Course Registration

Course registration for McGill went down recently. For some reason I thought the registration for Faculty of Arts was June 18th, but I fucked up and the 18th was actually registration for Science students, while the 17th was reg for Arts students. Anyway, I got out of bed around 10am on the 17th and checked facebook to find dozens of people posting their schedules. Obviously, I freaked out for a good 30 seconds and then raced to log onto Minerva, the McGill portal thing. I got most of my fall term classes and only 2 of my winter term classes. Then today I logged on to see if the waitlists went up for the classes that I wasn’t able to reg for. They hadn’t but I discovered there were places for 2 of the classes I was trying to sign up for. I’m counting on wait lists for the other 2 classes (luckily winter term) I still need to sign up for. Minerva is a tearjerker. According to a sad facebook post, apparently every single class this guy wanted to sign up for was full by 8:05 on reg day. These are my fall term classes:

1. Intro to Linguistics
2. Russian Lit
3. Our Evolving Universe
4. Intro to Feminist Theory
5. Intro to Sexual Diversity Studies

These are the winter term courses I’m signed up for so far:

1. Astrobiology
2. History of Modern Africa
3. German Lit

I’m hoping to get into Sociology of Gender and Introductory Behavioural Neuroscience for winter. Otherwise I LOVE my schedule. McGill actually assigned me to be a U1 when I wanted to be a U0…I need to talk to an advisor about that because it’s mandatory to declare a major in U1, which I’m not ready to do. I’m going up to Montreal later this month and I’ll talk to them then.

I was also assigned New Rez, which was pretty low on my preferences list. You can apply to change residences 2 weeks into the semester, but that sounds like more trouble than its worth – repacking everything and then lugging boxes and shit around Montreal… Anyway, New Rez doesn’t seem too bad. The main reason I didn’t like it before was that its a hotel (living in a hotel for 8 months ugh) and that it’s the biggest res of them all. But, it does go straight into the underground mall in Montreal and the caf seems good so idk I’ll see how it is.

Summer Updates

I started my summer job a few weeks ago. For the first few weeks, I was a curtesy clerk at Safeway. That job was at some times quite horrid but at others it didn’t suck too much. Mostly I bagged people’s groceries, cleaned up the bathrooms and various spills, retrieved the carts from the parking lot, and helped customers find things. It kinda sucked just because it was so boring. For the past 2 weeks, I’ve been training to be a Starbucks clerk. It’s super confusing at first because there are a million things you have to remember to do, a million routines, a million recipes for a million different drinks. And I never go to Starbucks so I have no idea what a frappe is or whatever. I literally didn’t know the names of the sizes of drinks (tall, grande, venti) before last week. I don’t really know why they moved me to Starbucks because once I learn everything then I’ll just be leaving for Montreal…although it will be nice to have Starbucks on my resume. And the people who work there are nice (PB and L). Maybe I’ll work at a cafe in Montreal once I get used to university and my courses and such.

Emma has been here for 3 weeks, which means she’s leaving next weekend. It’s been a fun month. I wish my work hours would have been better so we could’ve hung out more, but overall it was a great month. We’ve been to the beach, the World Bank, several malls, New York City, MoMA, and lots of other places. We were super busy all the time, and it made the time go by really fast. Surprisingly, I’ll be in Montreal in less than 2 months.

My IB scores are released next weekend. I’m fairly sure that I passed, but I’m also fairly sure that I didn’t do much better than passing. I know I did well on the exams that I knew I’d do well on (like english) and visa versa. So we’ll see. I’ll be happy if I pass; I don’t really have high expectations.

In under a month I turn 18. Mostly that means that I can now vote, get a tattoo, and drink legally (in Quebec). McGill does a welcome week called frosh. Frosh is wet, since most of the freshmen are of age to legally drink. I don’t drink that much, so I don’t have much experience with alc. I hope I won’t be pressured to drink. I know I will drink during frosh but I don’t plan to get drunk. I feel like a lot of people say that before college and then everyone ends up drinking and partying a lot sooooo. I want to get a tattoo but I’m going to wait until Montreal for that I think. I want to be sure about the tattoo before I get it.

 

The Rising Action, Probable Climax, and Eventual Resolution of L.

[I wrote this post to get some things out of my head and to help me think through some things.]

I’ve recently come to realize that I get way to attached to certain people way too fast. This came to light after I began conscious of the fact that I had known a certain person (L) for a grand total of 5 hours and now had become weirdly, stalkerishly attached to them despite not knowing anything more than a few personal details about them that I was able to pick up on/overhear. The end result is that I am here, caring way more than I should about a person I barely know, freaking out because I’ll never see them again after this summer. Meanwhile, L is just going about her business, having no idea that I have weird attachment issues.

L  is a very cute human with a hand tattoo. Tattoos are definitely one of my weaknesses. If you have an unique tattoo, then I am interested in getting to know you. L has an eyebrow piercing and shortish, straight, dark hair. L is tiny, like she’s actually shorter than me which is weird because I’m short as fuck. L looks like she’s around 18 years old, but I know L is at least 21 because she mentioned wanting to become a bartender. L wears black doc martens. L also has a very distinctive voice, sort of low and smokey. L is very cynical in regards to pretty much everything. This is almost everything I know about L, but I am not going to post anything else because I already feel like one of the creepiest people ever.

I don’t know if I’ll ever hang out with L again. I hope these 5-hours did not include a resolution. However, it was probably a one-time experience and that makes me feel like I am a slowly leaking vessel.

New things circa a month ago

(Should’ve posted this a while ago)

My school is hosting a TED talk later this week. I love TED talks so I’m pretty excited. There’s going to be tons of awesome speakers! I’m in charge of designing the set/stage and I have pretty much no idea what’s going on. Obviously lighting is important but the talks posted online have minimal furniture…I’m not sure if the speakers want to stand or sit or speak from a podium or whether the format of their talk will influence the set (like in an interview people usually sit but if they’re giving a speech they’ll want to stand most likely. Also I don’t know how many people will actually be attending but I guess we’ll hope for the best.

Spring break was last week and as usual my family did absolutely nothing. My parents can never get off work so we never travel. I spent the break attempting to do homework.

So I got accepted to McGill University (my top choice!), and at first I cried because I couldn’t go. However, I’ve recently gained some information that my parents (or at least just my dad) might still be distantly considering it. Thus, now begins the careful process of convincing my parents to let me study abroad. This might be the most important thing I’ve ever done. Don’t judge me but I’ve actually already picked out the McGill shirt I’ll wear on college shirt day at school. I’m targeting my efforts more at my dad since he will be the easier parent to persuade. My fingers are jumping all over this keyboard just thinking about going to school in Montreal. So many typos. It would make all these tortuous years of french all worth it.  But I can’t get my hopes up too much. This is pretty much the least likely thing to ever happen in my life (not even being dramatic here).

Potential

Sorry for the absence. I’ve sososo busy and scarcely even thought of posting something here.

School is coming to a close, just 13 days left (not including the dreaded IB exams coming up). Weirdly, I’ve started feeling more motivated in the last month of school than I have all year. We’ll see if that lasts. Most of my classes are winding down in order to start prepping for exams after spring break (next week). I’m not doing anything over break, probably just procrastinating reviewing for exams and practicing driving some more. A lot of people are doing final college visits over break, which makes me happy for them yet sad for me because I was accepted to my top choice college this week yet I can’t attend.

My cousin from France is officially coming to visit for a month! She’s the closest relative to my age so it’ll be super fun. She’s 16 and is going to be working at a translating company for a while to improve her english skills. I’m already planning out where I’ll take her – obviously DC and then I also wanted to go to NYC since she’s never been.

In more personal news, I’m feeling a potential love beginning to develop. Like, I don’t actually love them, but I know that I have the potential to. I’ve realized that I could easily fall in love with them. It’s almost like the bud of a flower, ready to blossom but it’s just not quite there yet. And I like them a lot, I really do, even though I don’t know them hardly at all. They cross my mind often, but I don’t love them. I could, though. I know I could. Unfortunately, the person is the very definition of unavailable, like almost every other person that I’ve fancied. Also, I’m leaving this school in a month and they’ll still be here next year…

 

College Musings (I swear I’ll stop soon)

(I feel like I talk about college decisions wayyyy too much on here, but soon it’ll be all over! Just not before this Friday because I’m going on a student visit day at Maryland. Haha get ready for another post!)

So, now’s the time of the year when everyone finds out where they’re going to college. Of course, I’ve known for a while now where I’m going. At first, I thought I’d feeling some sort of envy when hearing where other people got in, especially when it’s an Ivy League or just somewhere I got rejected from. But surprisingly, I feel really at peace about going to a school that I never really wanted to go, at least until the past few weeks. I also feel no regret/envy when people announce that they got into and are going to places that I didn’t and am not. Instead, I feel this fierce pride that my friends and peers got into some of the best schools in the country. I feel happy and proud to know them. I also know that I am just as likely to succeed in life going to an excellent honors program at a state university as others are likely to succeed going to Ivy Leagues. After all, what matters is really what you do at college and not where you go. Anyway, I was just kinda surprised at my lack of bitterness as I hear people announce where they will be attending.

It’s a very competitive environment and everyone is constantly compared each other as far as grades, scores, colleges, socially, whatever. This is pretty much inevitable at the type of high school I go to, and I realize competition is a part of everyday life. However, I just wish that people would keep this weird compulsion to compare yourself to other people more internal, if that makes sense. For instance, a few months ago when early decisions began to come out, someone began a spreadsheet to keep track of where each person had been accepted. It’s totally awesome to feel proud of our friends for getting into great universities, but I feel like that spreadsheet was deliberately posted in the IB facebook group knowing that people would (maybe unintentionally or subconsciously) use it to compare different students. This competition puts weird expectations and pressures on all students, which we already get constantly from parents, teachers, media, etc. I think it’s mostly the already established hyper-competitive IB environment that’s mostly to blame. Anyway that was basically a long-winded way of saying what we all know already: that the college application process and pressure-cooker IB system suck.

I’ve also decided that it should not matter if I miss a specific friend, because I should just take responsibility and do something to get back in touch with them. But I have the feeling that I’m going to dearly the presence of the all the people I sit near in class, and all the people that I  wave to in the hallways, and all the people I sometimes talk to after school when we’re all bored. I’m close enough to them to miss them, but not so close I could actually contact them without feeling weird or awkward or that they would judge me because they don’t know me that well. And if we would see each other again, we would probably spend a little time catching up, but it’s not like we could make plans to keep getting together in the future. I’m not that outgoing, so it’s not like I need to be surrounded by many people. I love having close friends and I hope to make more at Maryland, but I also like having people who kind of…float around, without getting too close to you. Cool people with their own interests and in-groups, who you just see around during the day. That’s how you know you’re in a community, not a clique. And that’s is one thing I loved about IB.

 

Dream Sounds

I dream so that the wind

will hear me coming

and step back to let me pass

I dream with eyes open

and fingertips grasping

and shoulders flung back

and elbows thrown wide

everyone tells me to

wake up

all my life I have said

yes yes yes

and tonight I’m learning

to say no

I pocket the silvery shadows

and smuggle them

just under my skin

into morning but

they never glow quite as bright

in the daylight

slipping away

sand in my fist

I dream so that the neighbors hear me

I dream so that the Gods hear me

everyone tells me

to wake up

I dream of

keeping my eyes squeezed shut

saying

no

The Future of this Little Blog

I used to keep a paper journal but never had much success in keeping it updated.

I wrote in one of those pretentious little moleskines, the kind with the unnecessary “e”. None the less, I loved that notebook. I remember being impressed by the tastefully ivory-colored paper slip that was originally stowed in the back pocket of my moleskine. You know, the one that claims that the Moleskine is “the legendary notebook used by artists and thinkers over the past two centuries: among them Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, and Bruce Chatwin.”?   Unfortunately, as I have gained a few years of wisdom, my ability to romanticize what can only be described as an excellent marketing campaign has steadily diminished. First of all, Moleskine, you didn’t exist until 1997, so I’m pretty sure Ernest Freaking Hemingway probably wrote in a regular fucking notebook.

Anyway, after that side tangent:

Obviously, I had similar problems keeping this blog updated; however, I think I will continue to try to keep this thing updated with bits of my life/thoughts. I also plan on continuing to post some of my writing on here. I think it will be easier now. I have many more thoughts that I want to get out, and I also want to record some of the mundane events of my life. Or interesting ones that may pop up. Actually, I seem to think to myself several times a day, “Oh, I will add this to my blog.” Most of the time that doesn’t really happen…maybe this summer? In addition, I prefer the electronic nature of a blog. I like the idea that there is one collective place I can put my thoughts without losing them. I can imagine myself, a frail 70 year old woman with a stooped back, crouching over a holographic computer reading posts from when I was 17. Also, I detest my own handwriting.

Driving

Very high levels of caution generally don’t make for a full or interesting life, and thus I am slowly learning to drive.

I never really wanted to learn how to drive before and I had many excellent reasons:

• Driving is bad for the environment.

• I couldn’t actually afford a car or gas so what was the point?

• I was staying fit by walking everywhere.

But the truth was, I was afraid and I excused myself from trying.

For a while.

I got my permit and took an entirely unnecessary Driver’s Ed class last summer. (‘Is a deer a stationary object? I mean, like, if it’s standing still?’ is actually a question that was asked). Technically, I could have had my license for a while now, if I actually had been trying. My dad is teaching me and, to his credit, he is quite calm when I am behind the wheel. We have been going to the middle school parking lot near my house. Today we went to a neighborhood and I drove in circles for a while. I need 60 hours of driving and 3 in-car sessions to finally take the test for my license. I have decided that it is my goal to drive a few hours a week so I can go for my in-cars in June and then test for my license in August. I at least need to somehow get my license before college.

Future

I’ve been working on finding a summer job recently. I need the money for college and my parents want me to be doing something productive this summer – like marathoning Parks and Rec and eating way too many grilled cheese sandwiches isn’t productive pshhh. So far I’ve applied to two: A bakery near my house (hahah I’d be like Harry Styles anywayyyyy moving on) and a job at the library. The bakery place emailed me and told me that they had found someone. They were very polite about it, though. Then yesterday I applied for a job at the library, which sounds a little boring but whatever.

It’s getting progressively harder to care about anything related to school recently. On the upside, we only have two more months and then exams. I keep thinking about what I’ll miss most from high school when I’m in college next year. I think that I’ll miss the people the most – both teachers and my friends. I go to a big high school but I only take classes with about a 150 students, so I know pretty much everyone. It’s gonna be weird not seeing everyone every day. Of course, a lot of us are going to the same university, so I’ll still see a bunch of people I know around campus. And I know all my friends will be off doing amazing things where ever they go. On the other hand, I have some great teachers. In fact, it’s mostly the teachers that have me coming back to school each day. I’ll miss my social studies teachers the most. There are two of them – one teaches european history and the other teaches anthropology. Anyone who goes to school with me reading this knows who I’m talking about. Their knowledge passion for their subjects is incredibly inspiring and I have been very lucky to have met them.

Mostly because of the drag of school/life, my friend and I have decided to do things that make us the most happy this summer before college. A bucket list of sorts. I thought I’d post some of my list here.

This Summer:

• have a picnic on a rooftop or near that lake by my house or anywhere really. multiple picnics.
• get a job
• fill a pool with jello and swim in it
• make and try a macaroon
• learn how to longboard
• meditate
• be able to run 5 miles at once
• get my drivers license
• tie dye stuff
• cook indian food with my friend
• tattoo!
• go paintballing
• play chess on one of those big outdoor sets
• go to hirshhorn museum and actually see everything this time
• go that thing where people light lanterns and let them float into the sky is this called a lantern festival?
• steal a grocery cart
• swim under a waterfall